


One-shots, new addition.

by Read_all_the_books



Category: Supernatural, destiel - Fandom
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-10-21
Updated: 2016-10-21
Packaged: 2018-08-23 19:20:24
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,364
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8339632
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Read_all_the_books/pseuds/Read_all_the_books
Summary: My collection of one-shots, of which I have deemed ok enough to post.





	

This couldn't be happening. Not to me, not again. I can't move and my stomach is pushing all the acid up through my throat. I can see Cas' silhouette in the darkness of my bedroom and his hands are still covering his face so I push mine further into my pillow. 

"What do you mean it's too late?" I choke out through the bile in my throat.  
He huffs in frustration and I know he'd rather leave. 

"I didn't think it would be like this," He whispers, I flinch when he says it and I have to stumble out of bed when the sorrow forces itself up my throat. "Dean?" Cas called after me.  
He follows me into the bathroom as I empty myself into the toilet, leaning my head against the cool bowl. Castiel places his hand on my shoulder and I flinch away from it. 

"Why didn't you say something before I went and ruined everything," I huff out and he sits against the shower across from me, "Why do you keep saying that?" he asks and he sounds frustrated again and it sends my blood racing so I pinch the bridge of my nose between my fingers. "Because it's always been obvious, you were too good, everyone's too good." Cas' brow furrows and his head tilts in that way that I've always loved and it hits me again that he's not mine anymore and more acid pours from my mouth, Cas rubs my back again. "Don't do this to yourself-" "Everyone leaves me because no one wants to stay," it pushes at the backs of my eyes and I start hiccuping at the reality of it all. 

Cas' eyes widen, "No Dean I'm sorry I don't know why I'm like this, I wouldn't be doing th-" I bang my head against the wall in exasperation, "You did it to me two times Cas. I know how it is to love me and I loved that you tried but the more we try the more you'll get hurt and I can't-" "Stop it." he says and it's so firm I do stop. 

He stares at me firmly, his eyes somewhat soft and tired at the same time and I know that it was me who was making him so tired. I shake my head softly as I drop my eyes to the harshly tiled floor, "Why do you do this to me?" I say so softly it's nearly a whisper.

Cas sighs as his feet scuffle over the ground in front of him and I don't want to look at him, I can't because my chest feels heavy and my stomach is uneasy just at the thought of it, but I do it anyway and I can't look away. He shuffles forward to grip my face and I wince in his grip so he sighs and pulls away, sitting on his shins."I didn't want to do this to you Dean, you're so good and pure and understanding and everything I didn't deserve but you gave it to me anyway and for a while I thought that was what I needed." he stops and just smoothes his hand down my leg, "But I'm hurting you every time I stay, every time I say I love you it feels like a lie, like some misguided truth because I can't mean it how you want me to." He says and it sounds forced, his eyes don't leave mine once as he says it and his hands clench into tight fists.

And every word that he says is a dagger in me. I can't think and I can't see because the tears are blurring my eyes, I knew he didn't love me and it made so much sense, because you can't love something that's empty.

"Please don't cry, please." He cries as he grips my face. his fingers are real warm and they grip my chin tightly, "I'm sorry" I whimper my voice quivering and my lip trembles. He wipes my tears away with his thumb as his forehead bumps mine, "Dean." he says softly, and I see his eyes pool as my eyes close. 

"I hate that I'm doing this to you." he says as softly as his voice allows and it's so deep that my stomach clenches. I can't help the sob that escapes along with my words, "Than don't do it." he grips the sides of my face tightly before he lets go and slumps back against the shower. 

"I can't do that Dean, please don't make this harder than it has to be." and he is crying, I wasn't sure before, but I see it as he drops his face into his hands his chest heaving so hard that it's rocking his body. I get to my feet and struggle over to the sink to splash my face with water, "Where are you going?" he asks and for some reason his voice is desperate, I shake my head softly because every time I hear it, it sends my heart into a frenzy that urges me to help him. 

"If you do this, I can't do it again this time," I say as firmly as I can manage. 

I hear him suck in a breath behind me and it makes me feel like so much shit. "I know." his voice shakes and I can almost feel him shaking behind me, but he did this, this isn't my fault and if I don't leave now I won't be able to leave again without begging, without breaking.

"Dean, I will always love you." and I stop briefly as it tears at my heart because how could he do that. "No you don't." I say and I'm surprised that I sound annoyed. "I do, just not like that," my shoulders shake a little as I turn to look at him on the floor, "I can't do that Cas, not now, it's too late." "I understand." and it's so final that the emptiness that Cas had managed to get rid of, crashes back in so hard and fast that I get whiplash.

I stand there and look at him for a final time and I don't want to leave and I feel like I can't because for the longest time he's been all I've had. "Thank you for everything," I choke out, he tilts his head again and it hurts so bad that I close my eyes briefly. "You've helped me be better, I was better," I say softly and I want to touch him and he is still crying and it's insulting me. "You were always better." He whispers and I leave and my knees are shaking so hard that as I stumble my way to my car I nearly fall twice.

I can't help the breathless sobs as they come up now and I don't want to. I know Cas is watching me from his house and I know I look pathetic and I can't stop myself from staggering into my car but I can't get myself to start it and go, I don't want this to be the end. I know it has to be the end but I can't let it be the end because he has my heart and I know I'd happily give him the rest of me. 

I pull my phone out and call Sam to get my piece of mind back because now he's all I have. "Dean?" he answers and his voice is groggy and I realize it's three in the morning. My breathing gets heavier and I can hear him sit up in his bed, "Dean?" he asks and the concern is palpable. "It's all over Sammy," is all I can manage, "What do you mean?" "Cas, he doesn't love me, he never did." I cry out and that's the only way I can describe it. "I'm coming to get you," He says and I shake my head before I realize he can't see me, "No, I'll come to you." and my breathing hitches, "Okay, get here safe." and with that I drive off, and the last thing I see is Cas leaning against his doorway.


End file.
